The Family Journal

The gaps between posts are getting longer and longer. I could blame this delay on myriad things but the truth is that life in our home is approaching normalcy and the urgency to reach out for support is getting less intense. I have debated and rejected the idea of closing the site. This connection has become more important and far-reaching than any of us could have imagined. We have used it to bridge the physical and emotional chasm of modern life. Sachi and I have drawn tremendous strength from it during a very vulnerable time in our life. It has come to be a chronicle of our wide spread extended family. Let us continue to wield its realm for the purpose of sharing the happenings in our minds and in our lives. There is nothing more noble and generous than opening of oneself for scrutiny by others. I am sure all of us have also benefited from its cathartic value. Today this blog graduates to The Family Journal. Babi has given voice to all our feelings at the passing away of Gana Mousa. Naren has shared a slice of his recent life with us. Here is what has been happening in our home.

Ravi has moved into his dorm. This year they have been given a two bedroom apartment meant for four boys (two in a room). It is a vast improvement over last year's cramped quarters. This week they are concentrating on football practice. He requested and got a home stitched bandanna in the colors of the Indian flag. He wears this on his head during practice and under the helmet during games. Now many of his other friends want to design and get their bandannas made too. Next week classes will start. Hopefully he will show similar enthusiasm for studies too.

Suraj, true to his word, is doing very well in his geography class. For his class paper he is going to write about the physical geography of India. Right now he is in California, vacationing with friends. He comes home tomorrow. The house is silent without the boys.

Jyoti and Jeff just came back from a week in California. Every time we talked to them they seemed to be at the beach soaking up the scenery. They cannot come to Lincoln for a week because they have to make up for the time they took off for this vacation. Jeff has painted the nursery room in beautiful colors and designs. Jyoti is adding her own special touches. They are both glowing during this waiting period before the advent of the baby. Our close friends ( Carmini and Asha ) are giving a baby shower to Jyoti next month. Sarbani and Sudesh (who have been like mothers to Jyoti) are doing the 'Godh Bharni' ceremony in our home for her. Bijoy mamu. Janet mai, Sangram mamu and my cousin Gurjeet (from New Jersey) will join us at this time. Naren will be coming over for few days towards the end of this month. We are looking forward to these family reunions.

Sachi has decided to keep working half time until October when he retires. His recovery seems to have plateaued for now. He continues to take Ensure as his main sustenance. He tries other foods but is not having very good luck. Mango Icecream is one exception. I guess it is not for nothing that mango is called the king of fruits.

This picture was taken last week when the kids celebrated Rakhi. They were all busy this week so they celebrated early. Sachi put on last year's rakhis to join in the picture. He put on his new rakhis yesterday. Torrey loved this festival and joined in wholeheartedly. I put my brother Kuku's picture in the prayer room among other family members who have gone ahead. Hope you all had a wonderful Rakhi.

Looking forward to reading about you. . . . . Ambi.

Life Is A Circle

I have been grossly negligent in posting the blog this time. Please excuse me. It is summer, the boys (and their friends) are home all the time, I am knitting a blanket for the baby and Sachi has joined work half time. In short, life has bulldozed its way into our home. We are overwhelmed by its welcome return and no one is complaining.

Sachi started working from 12:00 to 5:00 PM last week. The first day seemed almost like the kids' first day of school. I walked out the garage, along the side of the truck, and wished him good day multiple times. He smiled back making faces and starting and stopping the truck a few times, joking with me. His staff in the hospital welcomed him with cards and food. His patients were more than glad to have him back. Suraj and Ravi sent him flowers (this he still talks about). After work he drove over to his favourite coffee shop and then came home. I was there to welcome him like a good wife. He looked like he was glowing. The day proved to be a tonic. We spent a pleasant evening and retired early. Next day I thought would be a repeat of the first day. Wrong. He switched into his old self and was already in the hospital while he was getting ready. Bye-s were hurried (I am getting late...!) and a quick photograph for the blog (come on Ambi...!!) and he was gone. He is doing well with half days. He takes a short nap after work and then catches up on the news. Watching Suraj, Ravi and their friends going in and out is our other main activity for the evening. Dinner is simple - Sachi takes some rice and curry with gravy, I take same in regular amount and the boys clean off the rest. Sachi also takes ensure (4 cans in a day) to make up for the needed calories. Peg tube is long forgotten.

Suraj is taking a world geography class and has informed me that he is going to ace it. Ravi took a class in movie critiquing and has already aced it. So the summer is passing in real relaxation. August 13th. Ravi will move back into dorm and put the next phase into gear. Around that time Sachi will start full time work. I will try to remember what I used to do when he worked all the time.

Jyoti is doing fine. She is here for 3 days. Jeff has gone to Chicago so she has decided to come to her maayke. We plan to pamper her while she is with us. Today Suraj and Ravi got their wisdom teeth pulled (which were growing horizontally according to Dr. Macknight). Their mouths are sore and they cannot eat regular food. Khichri, icecream and clam chowder are on the menu. I know at least fifty 'wisdom teeth' jokes but they look so subdued that I have not tried any on them (yet).

Our garden looks as colorful as can be. The kitchen garden is doing good too. We have cucumbers, tomatoes (and more tomatoes), zuchini, bell peppers(simla mirch), hot peppers, water melon and pumpkins. There were radishes too but by the time I checked on them they had matured into old fibrous leathers. Now I am waiting for the pods (moongra) and hope to saute them. The peaches are still small and green. The apples have become sweet but are not red yet. We will wait for them to match the red washington apples in HyVee before harvesting them.

I will try to be more prompt in writing. We eagerly wait and like to read your messages. We specially appreciate you replying even in the absence of new posts. You are our good 'karma'.

Till next time. . . . Ambi.

Lincoln Tapestry

Life Is Too Important To Take Seriously

That is why mankind invented festivals. Last Saturday we celebrated Holi at our home. When India observes this festival it is snowing in Lincoln. So we celebrate in July with all our friends. This holi was made doubly enjoyable due to the special bond forged between us in the past few months. The Lincoln community tenderly saw us through our hard time. This Holi was celebration of Sachi's walk through fire. It also happened to be Sachi and my anniversary. And good friends announced it to all with flowers and huge cake. Thank you Sarbani, Anup, Mona and Pratap. Here are a few of the many pictures taken on that day.

Sudesh Batra, Mona Chugtai and Sarbani's mother (who is visiting from India)

Nisha, Swaran, Poonam, Sudesh, Smita, Prem, Pammi and Ritu. Andrei's daughters visiting from California. We knew them when they were knee high.

Pool was a favourite place to cool down and clean up. Above picture is of Jeff, Norma (Jeff's mom), Jyoti, Isabel, Jim (Jeff's brother), Ravi, Ritu and Binu.
Anup caught with a full plate. He earned it though, having seen Sachi through two episodes of Pneumonia. Thank You.

Smita had great time catching everyone unawares. We love your enthusiasm.

These are our Country Acres neighbors. We are joined together by land and hearts. You made the festival special by enjoying it with us.

Below are J.P., Vishal, Pratap, Arif and Wasim. They were having great time but agreed for a gentlemanly picture.

Last but not least our kids made the day complete by their unencumbered joy. Right is Suraj (who spent the whole time in the pool) with his friends Nilesh and Asawar. Below is Ravi romancing with Ami. Ami's mom sent authentic paans that I
forgot to take out with dessert (Freudian slip?). We are enjoying them still. Thank you Ritu (and sorry all of you who missed out on the treat). Next on the right are Jeff and Jyoti who got into the Holi spirit big time. If you look closely at Jyoti's T-shirt you will notice 'RAVI JUNIOR' written on it. Ravi thought he will name the baby but Jeff stepped in quickly and reminded him the baby is 'JEFF JUNIOR'.

There are no words to thank friends and family for the joy you bring in our life.
Adding to the truth is subtracting from it.

gratefully yours.....Ambi.

ooPS (hours later)

True sign that things are getting better: I forgot to mention that Sachi's peg tube came out yesterday. He went to Dr. Dave Dyke (one of his friends) for this. A quick yank, screech halting pain and it was out. No anaesthetic, no pain pill. Sachi is very brave. I needed some soothing balm for my nerves though. We went for lunch at Red Lobster after that. He has a patch of gauze covering the hole which according to Dr. Dyke will heal very soon. No stitches needed. Sachi will have two belly buttons though. He is doing good today.

Still grateful....Ambi.

Nature Speaks

It is summer in Lincoln and Oh! how we wish you were here. The first wave of the season's blooms is on parade outside our home. I woke up early in the morning and took these pictures in the first light of the day. The dew wet my feet and the air felt cool. Suraj, Ravi and Sachi were asleep so I got this personal time to commune with nature. Come, walk with me a bit. This pleasant surprise is our first attempt at water gardening. The sacred Indian Lotus blossomed two days back. It closes at night and reopens in the morning. I sit and watch it often.

This Hibiscus flower brings many memories of home and Botany class dissections. In Lincoln it grows in summer only.


These are Floribund Roses that grow in a pot outside our front door.

This circle full of flowers is visible from the family room window. We plan and plant it meticulously every year. This bed was created after the fire. It was our homecoming present to ourselves.

This bed of marigold and roses is outside our bedroom. The pink rose blossoms like to peek inside.

Cherry tomatoes are abundant and very sweet when ripe.

The flowers in the center island were planted later and are still growing. The purple Liatrus was planted when we first moved here and is 18 years old.

Nine O clock is called Moss Rose in America.

This is blue Hibiscus. I discovered it in the nursery this year and it is delightful. It grows to six feet height and spreads four feet. Unlike the red variety this one survives winter.

These are the peaches growing on our new peach tree. Remember the picture of Suraj against this tree when it was in bloom? Now it is laden with fruit and if Suraj was standing behind it you would not be able to see him.

This is Rajnigundha growing from bulbs that our friend Jeetu Samal gave to us few years back. It is called Tuberose here. What an unromantic name for such a sensuous flower.

Aah! Dinner plate Dahlia!! Looking at these Sachi fondly remembers the dahlias Bou used to grow in her garden.

Hydrangea. We have planted four of these this year. They grow to a height of six feet. In alkaline soil their blooms are pink. In acidic soil their blooms are blue. I fed them acidic fertiliser to get these blue blooms.

This is Pink Kanaer. It is called Oleander here. It reminds me of a twelve feet tall long wall of yellow, white, pink and red bushes in Delhi. These lined the street where I used to catch the bus to go to college. Standing in front of my little potted bush I can hear my friends talking and smell the smoke from the buses.

We used to have Black Eyed Susans where these daisies are growing. When they got burnt in the fire I decided to put these to please Jyoti. She loves them.

This Canadian Goose sat in our yard the whole day yesterday. In the evening she was gone and has not come back yet. The Canadian geese winter in South America and go to Canada for summer. I guess we were this one's day stop only. There is a pair of Red Cardinals that nests in our yard and stays over during winter. I have been trying to photograph them but no luck yet. Few times I have also seen a deer nibbling at our shrubs. He looked very young early in the spring but now looks full grown. He is camera shy too.

We have two of these pots on either side of the front door to greet everyone.

Apples on our ten year old dwarf tree. These have to be sprayed every two weeks to save them from bugs. The new apple trees that we planted this spring sadly died. They had a year's warranty so we will get new ones next spring.

These flowers grow on Balboa Sunset Trumpet Vine. It grows under our Gazebo and wraps around it. Its growth is so vigorous that we have to prune it often. When in full bloom it is stunning.

Of course Sachi fades all blooms when he comes out. Do not roll your eyes!!! This Saturday is our thirty fourth wedding anniversary and this is my gift to him. He is number one in my heart.

He is slowly recovering and beginning to enjoy life. Every now and then he even goes shopping for groceries. Suraj and Ravi have to behave because he now notices when they slack off. Even I have to behave; I kind of got used to being the boss instead of just a co-boss. He plans to start working half time from July 21st. He will have to build his stamina real fast for this. I like having him home but I want him to choose to stay home. I am glad he will have that choice.

Enjoy the Summer. Enjoy it to feel the gift of life.

This gift that is tenuous and tenacious at the same time.
. . . . Ambi

Home. A place to welcome Family.

Last week's visit of Anita (Sachi's cousin) and family was a long awaited event. We remember her when she was her daughter's age. Her parents were our hosts when we first came to USA in 1977. They helped ease our transition from India to our new home in America. We remember those days fondly. Anita was quite a handful at that time. Too smart for her five years and a bundle of energy. She still has the same 'zing' to her personality and energy to keep up with her girls. We love you Mama. Sachi loved practising the role of a grandparent with Anisha and Anjali.

The kids truly won our hearts. They even mellowed down the cool dudes in our home. With smooth innocence and effortless guile they led Suraj and Ravi through hoops. The house is quiet without them. It was a pleasure visiting with Shyam. His sense of humor at being the odd man out in the family is endearing. His passion and achievements at work are impressive. He is a young & fast upcoming scientist at Johns Hopkins. Come again Shyam and family.

Sachi is handling the summer visitors quite well. There are a few times he looks exhausted but he recovers fine. This is good practice for being up and active at work. He has been trying to get off the peg tube feeds but it is proving difficult. He is taking ensure (a nutritional supplement) by mouth and also trying to take a little bit of food. Some days are good, other days it does not go OK. It is still quite early. So nothing to worry. He has lost 4-5 lbs. If this keeps up he will have to go back to the peg tube for some nutrition. His stamina is improving bit by bit. We have still not started our movie outings though. Today while Sachi took a nap, Ravi invited me to go see a movie with him. I guess he noticed me eyeing the movie page in the newspaper. Sachi better start the Friday night family outings soon or I might take Ravi up on this offer.

Suraj and Ravi are both working this summer. There is plenty of time to sleep late and wake up at noon though. We love their presence at home even though we get to see them only when they are hungry. Jyoti and Jeff made a quick trip to Chicago for a friend's wedding. They squeezed in a dinner with Naren and Vivek and seemed to have had a very good time. They are back now and we will see them on July fourth.

This is our 31st year in America. Everyone in USA have a wonderful Independence Day. All of our families in India, Thialand and Australia, You are invited to the Celebrations. Lots of love from all of us...........Ambi.

Happy Days Are Here

We just went through a hectic week that was short on time and long on fun. Exactly what we needed to get out of our sedate routine. I wrote the blog many times in my mind, just never got to it in reality. There is so much to tell and am still crunched for time, so let me get to it without preamble.

Bandana mousi, Srinivas mousa (Sachi's aunt and uncle from india) and Mitu's visit started the celebratory tone of the week. There was a lot of eating and socialising, catching up with news about family and retelling of many family tales. Weather joined in the mood and we had many hours of fun out in the yard. Mousa loved taking walks through the trees. Bandana mousi and Sachi spent hours on end talking about old days. This gave Mitu and me time to bond together. I loved having her here with us. Babi (Sachi's brother from Thailand) joined us a day later. His presence sparkled our already shining days. There was more eating and entertaining with some more family tales. I heard some Mahapatra-Bhuyan legends that I had not heard before. It was truly an enjoyable time and a rare treat for us.

Bandana Mousi and family left on Thursday. Next day Naren, Vivek and Bobby were supposed to drive over and join us. Bobby made it OK. Naren and Vivek had to cancel their trip due to floods in Iowa, a state they had to cross to reach Nebraska. Babi got a chance to witness the raw fury of Midwest weather Friday night when we had severe thunderstorms and tornadoes in Lincoln and Omaha. Jyoti and Jeff were planning to come over but decided to stay put. So we had a much smaller get together that turned out to be warm and cozy due to its intimate size. When families are together nothing can dampen the spirit. Next day we went to Omaha to have lunch with Jyoti and Jeff.
This picture was taken in Jyoti and Jeff's backyard. We had nice time exploring their nest. Babi and Bobby felt so comfortable to be with, it was hard to believe they were just visiting. Lunch was full of fun at The Cheesecake Factory. At times we got decidedly rambunctious and had to tip the waiters extra to be allowed back again someday. Sunday came too soon and we saw Babi off. Monday morning Bobby left for Oklahoma with promise to come back. I thought of writing in the blog that night but could not settle down enough to sit in front of the computer.

Few days passed in anticipation of our scheduled visit to Mayo Clinic. Wednesday afternoon we started our drive with promise of good weather. We chose to avoid the flooded plains of South-East Iowa and took a different route through North and Western part of Iowa. The roads took us through some of the most scenic views with large vistas of green carpet and sky that rivalled God's own creation. Seven hours of this soothing balm and we were in Rochester. We thought we had a leisurely drive but we reached the hotel room and crashed. Sachi was out like a bulb. I walked around in the room too tired to do anything and too restless to sleep. Next morning was Sachi's CT scan and blood work. At 2:30 PM we met with the surgeon, Dr. Kasperbauer (who did the surgery on Sachi), and were shown the images of the scan. They were clean. The day brightened up real fast after that. We met with the oncologist, Dr. Garces (radiation) and Dr. Okuno (chemotherapy) next day and were told Sachi is doing fine. He is where they expect him to be at two and a half months post treatment. They recommended he go back to work half time initially and then increase the time. We listened to all their evaluations with gratitude. The day was sunny, the scan was clean, we knew everything was wonderful. We spent the evening watching TV movies and eating in our favourite Indian Restaurant. Next day we came home. Same route, same scenic drive, same seven hours, no crashing with fatigue though. Happiness is very energising.

Jyoti and Jeff sent us beautiful sunset colored roses to celebrate our happy homecoming. We were touched. We had not realised that they too had been waiting so keenly for the good news. Two days later (yesterday) they sent us another bouquet of delicate, fragrant, pink roses. Bemused we opened the card and read 'ITS A GIRL'. Jyoti had an ultra-sound yesterday afternoon and found this out. We are still celebrating this great news of Lakshmi coming into our home. Sachi plans to be all healed up by November so he can enjoy the precious gift in his arms.

Jyoti and Jeff are beaming these days; and it shows. This picture was taken last weekend in their yard. The hammock was a wedding gift from Seema. They love it.

It feels good to share joy with you all.

You were our solace through hard times,

Now you double our pleasure.

Ambi

To Fathers

This is my Papaji. When I was little he was the funnest father on the block. He would play hop scotch with us when other fathers sat and read newspapers. He would make us solve puzzles to earn privileges when other children had to do chores. He would take us to foreign movies when our friends went to traditional ones. He put us in the best schools when others chose the closest ones. He has a great sense of humor and limitless wonder about the universe. He is a voracious reader and even more prolific writer. He gave me a secure childhood to go explore unfamiliar worlds without fear. He kept the restricting customs away so I could grow freely. He taught me passion for life so I could enjoy the world. He pointed the half full glass to me so I could always walk with hope. When I doubted myself he said "YES YOU CAN". When I did try, he cheered me on. He was the best father to have in an unfair world; a staunch feminist on my behalf. He was a hands on father when staying aloof was the norm. He was willing to take on the world if my future was threartened. He taught me not just to live but to thrive. He put in all he had, and then he let me go. No strings attached.

When God smiles at you He sends such a father your way.

Happy Fathers Day.

I Love You Very Much Papaji.

Ambi

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Babi writes:

Sitting at this desk and unlocking the doors of perception is an experience that defies definition. For the first time during the unpredictable upheavals of the past several months I find myself addressing the entire brethren from the other side of the table. All these days, separated by continents and hemispheres, I had never realized the true nature of the continuous battles being waged by Sanabhai, Nuabou and their entire family in encountering and overcoming the deadly enemy called Cancer...As I fervently unleash my thoughts on the keyboard, I can feel the realization slowly creeping into my veins.....the enormity of the situation....the magnitude of the ailment. Only Badada, Vivek and a few other fortunate ones in addition to the family, who had visited the embattled couple when they were scaling the steep uphill journey across the eye of the storm, have been blessed with the opportunity of having been able to walk a few short steps with them. While the eldest was with his childhood friend, brother and son during the Nadir of his agony, the youngest has stolen His indulgence in joining his Tarzan during the Zenith of his recovery..... Acquiring firsthand experience, I am humbled to dust to behold the unbelievable....to discover the unimaginable....to realize the insurmountable....
On the eve of my departure back to the humdrum of routine, paradoxically I feel almost relieved to observe a few cracks in the invincible armor of this couple, a few signs of weakness that bring them down to earth and make them vulnerable human beings, a few faltering steps that make them accessible to us…..But I shall always be mystified by the invisible power that galvanizes their efforts to conquer the seemingly impossible odds and emerge as victors…… God bless you all….

On Father’s Day:

Baba, our dearest Captain, my dearest friend, your presence in our lives is ever so fragrant with memories, ever so pronounced with guidance, ever so alive with indulgence….
You may have changed your abode to allow the dance of Creation to continue, but your loving charisma accompanies me every step of my life…
You walked a path of silent leadership, you lived a life of exemplary integrity, you taught a way of life that challenged the best in us to unfold like a flower of dazzling colors. You never preached without practicing, you never spoke without performing, you never disciplined without educating….
Your youth was a story of examples set for the family to emulate and exercise, but your childhood returned to rise to exalting heights with your youngest friend, your spoilt brat, your “Happy the man”! While I learned the lessons of life from your silent but strong presence in the background, I still meet you every so often in my dreams, beholding the haloed divinity of love pointing towards a path of human excellence through the indispensable traits of conscience, compassion and humility.
As countless millions prepare to offer their gifts of love to their fathers on this beautiful day,
I have nothing to offer except prostration at your feet in gratitude for having bestowed on me the Gift of Life and a place in your family of illustrious stalwarts.
Thank you Baba for always being there when it mattered….
Pranams and Love.
Babi


Sachi writes :

Dear Baba—Please accept our pranams from all your children on this father’s day. Even though you passed away in 1993, your presence is felt in every event & every discussion in the family. It feels like just yesterday that you were amidst all of us, exercising your authority in a subtle & gentle manner. You spoke only a few words, but your expression, sometimes with a faint smile, other times none would convey enough to us about seriousness of the situation. Very early in childhood all of us learnt to recognize your style of teaching the important principles by living them yourself. Understanding & learning in this manner has had much more lasting effect on all of us till today. I personally learnt from your examples , all about ethics, honesty & compassion which no other accomplishment can replace. We all also have numerous fond memories of the fun times we had during vacations. You often would try to meet everyone’s special needs & demands, bring home surprises starting from incredible sweets to expensive sports items. Oh yes , the specially enjoyable times were when you used to drive me & Bhai to school in the mornings and often sing Oriya songs on the way. The rocky boat ride during high tides in Chilka lake was memorably a scary one. I could go on & on listing many more from a very long memory lane. Baba, thank you very much for so many memorable events & thank you for being our father. This reminds me the following from an American singer :

Leader of the band is tired, his eyes are growing old,
But his blood runs through my instrument & his song is in my soul.
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man,
I am just a living legacy to the leader of the band.

With Love........Sachi